Season's Blog Series
Seasons Part One – I Was
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 Says - "For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace."
As the verse says there is a season for everything, a season for life... But let's be honest, new seasons are extremely hard because change is hard. This series is going to be about seasons of life. We have talked about some heavy topics the last few weeks and thought a new light on life would be nice. In our previous series I mentioned briefly that I, Laura, struggled with infertility. This struggle went hand in hand with my eating disorder so it is a very important part of my story/testimony.
Since this is God's Enough - Women's Ministry I figure we have mostly a female audience but to any male readers I will apologize now, because I am about to talk about women's issues and periods. So, if you are uncomfortable with that I recommend you walk away now.
I began my menstrual cycle rather late, at least according to when my friends started there's, I was 13 before I had my first period. I do of course thank God now for that late date, even though at the moment I felt odd and out of place as a girl. Immediately upon starting my periods they were horrible. I would bleed for 10 to 20 days, then stop for 6 – 10 days and then repeat, with horrible cramping and bloating. I was a mess for weeks and weeks. Later in high-school I had to be put on birth control to help manage my periods since they were so severe. At this time, I was not sexually active and had no intentions of getting pregnant any time soon but even than as a young teenager I had plans.
My plan was to be a mom of 8-10 kids (yes, I know, I was little crazy back then). Oh, and I was going to homeschool all of them. What I did not know as a young teenager was that all of my symptoms were indicative of a problem, which would likely cause infertility. But in that young season of my life I was sure there would be no issues. I was a "good girl," I was pure, and I was going to do everything right and God would bless me.
Seasons change, eventually I graduated from high-school and went to college and continued to have the same issues I had always had. Of course, by this point my eating disorder was in full swing and the more I starved myself the more my period would swing in and out of control. My roommates hated me because as you women know we regulate each other and usually end up on the same cycle, but my cycle was very irregular starting and stopping, then starting again, even on birth control my cycle was crazy. So, I threw their cycles off as well.
The season again changed and the issues I had continued on into my marriage. Before I got married I went back to my OBGYN and had a consultation. I had been a the "good girl" I had planned on being and was still a virgin. Honestly, though I made mistakes and was not perfect, I am proud to say that my husband and I both did save ourselves for each other until our wedding night. At this consultation my OB mentioned that in the future when I was ready to try get pregnant that I should definitely seek a doctor's help. At the time I didn't understand what this meant but made a mental not of the information.
About 6 months or so into our marriage I started having major issues with my birth control. I was getting sick on the medication and was having crazy mood swings. Also, I was gaining weight like crazy. I still did not have a healthy relationship with food and though I had stopped starving myself I still punished myself with food and would binge. This all was affecting my body and my hormones were out of control.
So, I went to a doctor for answers, but there was little they would do. I wasn't trying to get pregnant and they just told me my issues were due to the fact I was overweight. After nearly a year of changing medications, trying different dosages, and staying absolutely miserable all the time, we made the decision that I would go off of birth control. Of course, as a young couple this was a little scary, we did not necessarily want to get pregnant but we knew that God was in control.
So after about 3 months of crazy bleeding nonstop, I finally stopped bleeding. When I say I stopped I mean nothing, nada, at all for 9 months. Of, course since I had stopped and we were off birth control I thought perhaps I was pregnant but all the tests came back negative. This was quite painful, I would bloat and cramp but never start, then I would bloat some more and cramp and never start. It was not a good season.
Also, during this time we were entering a new season in our personal and professional life. We were moving. Moving to Hawaii. I know I know, amazing right? It was amazing. God had blessed us immensely and we got to spend 6 wonderful, and challenging years in Hawaii, but that is a story for another blog post. Since we were in a new Season, this meant a new doctor. Groan... does anyone else hate finding a new doctor? I certainly do. The good news or bad news depending on how you look at it, was that with our new insurance I didn't actually have to or get to choose a doctor instead a doctor was chosen for me. As a matter of fact, in the clinic I had to go to, there was a rotation of doctors and you just got the luck of the draw. So, I went to a clinic
Of course, the thought I could be pregnant was on my mind, but since I had taken pregnancy tests that had been negative I doubted that I was. Sure, enough the doctor confirmed I was not pregnant. Then came the shocking news. She told me that I was not pregnant, and that I would not likely ever become pregnant. At least not without very invasive treatments and a lot of weight loss. At that point she insisted on putting me back on birth control as well as some other hormones to help my body regulate itself and start again. By this time there was a new, low dose hormone that she gave me and for a time it helped. I was still sick from the drug but my periods regulated for the most part. I however, walked out of that office in complete shell shock. How could I, someone who had been so "good," be punished in such a way. Why would God not give me the desires of my heart? All my life I had wanted to be a mom, I had a more realistic goal of 5-6 kids, versus 8-10. My husband was more of the conviction of having one baby at a time, but I figured we would have a large family.
I remember going home that day and crying. I told my Ted, my honey, all the doctor had said, but he encouraged me that we had plenty of time and that we would figure it out when we were ready to become parents. After all we had only been married two years and were only 22 and 23 years old. I still felt crushed. I cried out to God asking all those questions I mentioned above and he reminded me of a vision he had given me a couple of years before.
I do not claim to have prophetic dreams or visions, but occasionally God seems to give me a snapshot in my mind of the future. Shortly after Ted and I were married, I can remember during a worship service standing on stage singing with our worship team, and God showed me a picture of me pregnant and I felt in my spirit that I was to be a Hannah and my children were to be dedicated to the Lord.
"And she (Hannah), made this vow: “O Lord of Heaven’s Armies, if you will look upon my sorrow and answer my prayer and give me a son, then I will give him back to you. He will be yours for his entire lifetime, and as a sign that he has been dedicated to the Lord, his hair will never be cut." 1 Samuel 1:11
There I was though a heart broken young woman, whose world had been shaken by a doctor who was not very tactful or thoughtful. I prayed hard, asking God for His healing, His mercy, and love. During the seasons I had mentioned to you before, a dearly loved family member had been diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, or PCOS for short. PCOS is a hormonal disease that causes irregular periods, major hormonal issues, weight loss and or weight gain issues and of course you guessed it, fertility issues. She had been through treatments and fertility help and had gotten pregnant after almost two years of trying and when she heard what the doctor had told me, she told me to make sure I told my doctor of our family history.
Now we fast forward again one year into the future. In late 2008 I went back off of birth control and again my body went crazy, but this time I only bled for a month then I stopped again for a few months, so back I went to my doctor. This time I saw a different doctor. We, Ted and I had decided we would like to try to get pregnant in the next few months and would like to start the process. This doctor again repeated the words of the previous doctor. She reminded me that it was unlikely I would get pregnant but that she would test me for PCOS and would start treatments for PCOS immediately. Since most of my symptoms were similar if not the same as those of PCOS the doctor was fairly confident that was my problem. She also reminded me that my eating disorder of anorexia and then eventual binging had done a lot of damage to my body and thus I was making it even harder on her to get me pregnant.
These things of course were painful and hard, but I decided to trust on God. I cried out to Him daily. My heart was broken but I decided to trust God and start the treatment plan the doctor gave me. The treatment plan involved 4 different rounds of medications each month. One to make me start my period, one made me stop my period, one regulated my hormones and the other made me ovulate. I would get incredibly nauseous with one of the meds., another one gave me diarrhea, the 3rd one I would have hot flashes with, and the fourth one just made me feel crummy. I hated it but did the treatments for the next 9 months. Every month I would have to take a pregnancy test to make sure I wasn't pregnant before I started the next round and the first 8 tests were negative.
In the 9th month of my treatment I cried out to God again. I was heartbroken, I had been helping with our youth and a couple of our teenagers had gotten pregnant. I was angry with God, I felt it wasn't fair. I had followed all the rules, I had been a "good" girl and I couldn't get pregnant, but these young girls who had made stupid, sinful mistakes were getting the blessing that God wouldn't give me. I am of course aware that this was not the right attitude but, in that season, I was bitter, angry and sick. As I cried out to God I again felt Him whisper to me in my spirit. He asked me: "Why do you want a baby?" My answer was an ungracious one, I wanted a baby because I thought I deserved one. I wanted to be a mom, I had always wanted to be a mom and I would be a great mom. Plus, I ached for a baby. Again, came that still small voice, his gentle whisper spoke. Do you know the voice I am talking about?
“Go out and stand before me on the mountain,” the Lord told him. And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave." 1 Kings 19:11-13
That is the still small voice I mean, He doesn't come to us in an earthquake or a fire but in a still small voice, in a gentle whisper. However, what he told me shook me to the core. In His gentle and loving manner, He told me that I wanted a baby to fill a void, a void that only He was meant to fill. Also, if He gave me a baby, before I allowed Him to fill that void, I would resent that baby for not having the ability to do something only God could do. I dropped to my knees stunned and realized what a wretch I was. I wanted something so badly for so long, but I hadn't realized my reasons for wanting it. Of course, on my knees I asked God to forgive me a fill the void only He could fill.
I want to tell you the glorious thing about God's promises, and His gentle promptings. He loves us, and he will always fulfill His promises, even if He has to redirect our paths in the process. Truth be told on the day God told me this, I was pregnant, however, I would not find out for 2 more weeks but there I was surrendering to Him my desires when he had already fulfilled them. 10 months later we would bring a beautiful baby into the world. A 9lb, 21.5" long bouncing baby boy. Our boy would be the first fulfillment of God's promise that I was to be a Hannah. Our boys name means Yahweh is God, Beloved. I am very cautious about using my kid's names to the public world which, I will share in a future parenting blog.
Seasons can be hard, change is excruciating but, in every season, we learn, every season we grow, and in each season, God will fulfill a promise for which you wait.
May God Bless you in your Season!
Go in God Know He Is Enough for You.
Seasons Part One: I Was
It all began with Oreos.
In our last blog series, I shared how I quit the California university I was attending to enroll myself in an outpatient recovery program…
“I remember crying, I remember a phone call, I remember packing, and I remember a quiet drive home. The next morning, I woke up in my parents' home, in my hometown, the reality of the situation was real. Before I could convince myself otherwise, I grabbed the phone and dialed the number I vowed I never would. Hi, it’s Megan Smith. I’m not sure if you remember me, but it’s gotten really bad. I quit school last night, my parents picked me up, and I need to get better, will you take me back?
Of course, Megan. Can you start tomorrow?
The eating disorder recovery program that I walked out of not eight months earlier, had graciously taken me back. This time they weren’t going to let me go, I was a college dropout in an intensive outpatient eating disorder recovery program.
I went through the program and did well. I gained around twenty pounds, which felt overweight to me. I even met my husband, Ben, through Christian Mingle during that time. I moved cross country from California to North Dakota where he was stationed, and I began the nursing program at the local university.”
In my blog post, I casually mentioned that I met my husband on Christian Mingle during my recovery program, moved cross country, and started a new life. I’m excited to share more details about this adventure with you!
I had quit school on January 23, 2013, when my parents picked me up and took me home. The next day I called and began the local eating disorder recovery treatment program. The prior summer of 2012, my mom had encouraged me to attend this program while I was home from school during the summer. I had a session with the founder, gutted through it, and vowed never to step foot in that place again. I didn’t need their help, I wasn’t that bad.
Not even eight months later, I’m calling them. How God has a sense of humor. Never say never.
I ate breakfast at home, then would drive to the treatment center and spend the entire day there. I had one-on-one sessions, group sessions, and field trips. And I slept a lot. Maintaining the eating disorder and struggling through college classes had taken everything out of me. I had no energy. Additionally, the counseling sessions were mentally and emotionally draining, the eating disorder allowed me to suppress the internal battle. But since I was being monitored at the treatment center and at home, I really couldn’t engage in the eating disorder behaviors like I had done previously. I had to face and address the root issues that the eating disorder was revealing. And it was exhausting!
I did my homework assignments, I attended all my scheduled sessions, I put all my time, effort, and energy into healing. And I was dramatically improving! I had gained healthy weight, learned the truth about nutrition and how my body functions (not just what tabloids say), and I was learning how to enjoy life. During that time, I got my motorcycle license to ride a scooter I received as a gift from a family friend, I chopped off my hair, dyed it black, and learned how to dress in clothes other than athletic shorts and T-shirts.
And it was about this time, I was ready to start dating.
To give you some context, my friends in high school called me “The Nun.” In other words, I was known for not talking to guys, having no interest in guys, and it looked like I was destined for a future as a celibate.
My thought process was, “Why talk to them if I’m not going to marry them?” I saw no point in wasting my time flirting with guys, when the reality of me dating, then marrying my high school sweetheart was very slim. Sure, it worked for my parents, but I knew it wasn’t going to work for me. I didn’t want anyone distracting me or getting in my way, I was going to do great things. I was going to be a career woman – I wasn’t going to let a guy stop me.
There I am, sitting in a session with the Registered Dietitian of the treatment program. We had a developed a good relationship. I really enjoyed my talks with her. She provided me with valuable practical nutrition advice that has carried me to this day. In a session with her, I shared that I thought I was ready to start dating.
She asked me, “Well what are you doing about that?”
“Hmm, I don’t know. I think it’s progress that dating is even on my mind.”
“You’re going to have to put yourself out there, you know. You’re a Christian right?”
“Okay then, I want you to go on Christian Mingle.”
“But that’s for people who are forty years old and desperate! I’m only twenty!”
“Just try it for a week.”
And so I did. Before convincing myself otherwise, I created an online dating profile through Christian Mingle. The first line in my introduction was, “Hi, I like to call myself an inside-out Oreo.” It was a running joke amongst my friends. Although, I am porcelain white (like “I-still-sunburn-with-SPF-50” white) on the outside I feel like I have some black soul on the inside.
I started my profile on a Tuesday evening. A few days later on Saturday, I get a little online messenger notification. Ben, being an Oreo cookie lover himself, found my introduction amusing and simply asked me, “Do you like Oreos?”
Like I said earlier, it all began with Oreos.
Unfortunately, Christian Mingle doesn’t let you use their online messenger for free, so I had to pay the monthly charge of fifteen dollars to see what he said.
Best fifteen dollars I ever spent.
And that’s how our relationship began in March 2013.
Ben and I did something atypical, we interviewed each other. Instead of spending the first week with superficial talk, we gave each other free rein to ask every and any question. After the week of interviewing, we realized our high level of compatibility and I’ll never forget what Ben said, “Megan, I would love to pursue you. You are a rare gem.”
My next question was, “When can I meet you?”
Being that Ben was in the military and wouldn’t be able to book leave for at least six months, I naturally decided that I would fly out to meet him. So I booked my ticket, walked downstairs and asked which one of my parents was willing to take me to the airport.
My dad, my mom, and the family dog all about had a heart attack.
Granted, they had absolutely no clue that I was on Christian Mingle, let alone that I was intending to go meet a complete stranger. Therefore, their concern with me, a twenty-year-old female, flying from California to North Dakota to meet a guy I met online was incredibly justifiable and reasonable. I’m pretty sure my dad convinced my mom to let me go by saying, “Let her get it out of her system.”
It also took a Skype interrogation session and acquiring any form of contact information that could get Ben in trouble.
But so I did, I flew out on April 18 and was picked up at the airport by a lady at the church who was hosting me in her home. I arrived at the two-room airport and this lady came charging at me.
“Are you Megan?”
“Get in the car, I’m double-parked.”
She was tiny, so I knew I could take her if that wasn’t supposed to be my ride.
Ben failed to mention that no one knew who I was or what I was doing there. Even the host family. I was Ben’s “friend from California” that needed a place to stay. I sat down with them at dinner and they mentioned they were going to the Youth Pastor’s birthday party in an hour and were curious if I wanted to tag along.
“Sure, sounds fun.”
We arrived and I realized just how awkward it is to not to know anybody. So naturally I just gravitated toward the children, since children will talk to you if you play with them.
Then the Youth Pastor came over to where I was sitting, “What’s your story?”
As I opened my mouth to share, the District Youth Director, exclaimed, “You speak English? I thought you were a foreign exchange student!”
With all eyes on me, I proceeded to share my story. Finally, someone chimed in, “So you haven’t met Ben yet?”
“Yep, that’s correct. He had to work the night shift, so he’s picking me up tomorrow morning.”
Without realizing it, at the time, I had met the entire church staff before meeting Ben. Let’s just say, we had an entire community involved in our relationship before its inception.
Somehow, despite having five children, the host mom, had everyone, including herself out of the house by the time Ben arrived. Ben walked into their quiet home. I remember shaky nervously, so excited to meet him in person. He walked around the corner and I saw this handsome man in uniform. He walked over, gave me this big, loving hug and the first words out of his mouth were, “Megan, you’re beautiful.”
Within twenty-four hours, I knew I was going to marry him. (Ben did as well).
It was quite the busy weekend. The District Fine Arts Showcase was taking place at the church and Ben was running it! Through that Friday night and Saturday, I met everyone at the church, made some friends, and decided to extend my stay, I just couldn’t leave yet.
I hate to admit this next part, but it’s true and in hindsight it’s a cool part of the story. Before meeting Ben in person, I had actually applied to all the Bachelor of Science in Nursing programs in the state of North Dakota. I also since January had applied to multiple nursing programs in California.
During my extended stay, I got accepted into the local university and met with the nursing advisor to line up my pre-requisites for nursing. I had not received official acceptance into the program, but I was accepted as a Pre-Nursing Major to the university. Additionally, I interviewed and got a job on the spot at the university’s wellness center, and I lined up my on-campus housing for the fall semester.
Also, during this week, I received email after email from the California nursing programs I had applied. Each email began with, “Megan, we regret to inform you…”
I flew back home, enjoyed a meal with my parents, and said, “I will be moving to North Dakota by August and I plan on marrying Ben as soon as possible.” (Ben was also on board with this plan.)
My dad, my mom, and the family dog all about had a second heart attack. So much for “getting it out of my system.”
I proceeded to pack my few belongings, said bye to family and friends, had to convince said family and friends that I wasn’t off my rocker. Then at the end of July, my mom and I drove out to North Dakota to get me settled in before my classes began.
Not even a month after arriving, Ben gets sent away for a six-week training which was a little disheartening after being so excited to finally live in the same state. But this period of time enabled me to make friends, get familiar with the town, and find my own rhythm. That semester I finished up my nursing pre-requisites and in October I gained acceptance in the nursing program which began in January. Also, in October, Ben and I flew out to California where he personally asked my dad for my hand in marriage. On November 21st, 2013, Ben proposed to me through a romantic treasure hunt and on May 31st, 2014 we married in California!
Whenever we share this story, it seems straight out of a Hallmark movie and doesn’t sound like me. It’s strange to think that this shy, introvert, had this burst of boldness just long enough to meet Ben. You know that “gut feeling” I talked about in an earlier blog post? That’s how the Holy Spirit speaks to me and guides me. It’s a feeling I’ve learned to trust even when everything external points otherwise. I had always felt uncomfortable around guys my age. I never had a peaceful gut feeling around any of my male peers. Ben was the first guy I had met that didn’t make me feel uneasy, I had a peaceful gut feeling with him. I kept waiting for the uneasiness to creep in, but it never did.
God was incredibly faithful in bringing us together. His timing was the best timing. In fact, this Thursday May 31st, we celebrate four beautiful years of marriage. I’m so blessed beyond measure to have the opportunity to enjoy this adventurous life with Ben!
Disclaimer: This is not an encouragement to go online to find your spouse. This is a special story and unique to us. Please be safe online and trust the Holy Spirit to guide you with the “gut feeling.”
Now Go in God Knowing He is Enough for You!
With Love, Megan
Seasons Part Two – I Am
When you are writing a book or a blog you have a plan or an outline. At least you should have a plan. This plan helps you to somewhat execute your mission so to speak. However, things do not always go as planned. This is life, and in our seasons, things do not always go as planned. Part one of my portion of this series didn't go as planned, I had meant to say less on some subjects and more on others. This is life though, what was ironic and I didn't even realize was that I would be posting Part 1 on my son's 8th birthday. Eight years, how time has flown. To go from a season of baroness, to having an eight-year-old. When I think of my son and his short 8 years of life so far I think of what David says in Psalm 139;
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:13-16
I love how David depicts our creation and formation as knitting. Have you ever seen someone knit something? It is really cool to watch things take form. Whether a scarf, hat, sweater or a larger project the knitter takes their time, weaving the yarn together, forming, shaping and stretching the item. The project takes time and an investment from the person crafting it, the knitter knows when to apply tension and when to release. They know what the piece will become before it is formed. What a picture of our heavenly father. He knew us before we were created. He knew what we would be, and what we would do with our lives before we took our first breath. When I see my young man, I wonder what his life will be like, how God will use Him and how what I do will shape his future.
At the end of part one of Seasons, I shared how God blessed us with our baby number one. How blessed we were. Our oldest who I refer to as EK was such a good baby. He slept through the night early, ate very well, reached every deadline early and challenged me to keep up. Again, I say we were blessed. EK brought so much joy to everyone and still does.
At first, I didn't want to have another baby, at least I didn't want to deliver one. My delivery story with EK was more like a nightmare than a dream and I didn't want to do that again. However, over time that memory began to fade and I knew I wanted more kids. The hardship of birth was made up for in the light of the wonderful child God had given me. I had hoped all would be easy after the struggle we had the first time, but that was not God's plan for me.
A new season was beginning in our life. Little did we know what God had in store for us. My periods, for the most part, had been light and regular until EK was about 12 months, then the floodgates opened back up. Before I knew it, I was in constant and severe pain. I was cramping constantly and bleeding excessively again. Back I went to the doctor, repeatedly they ran tests and found nothing. Finally, they did an ultrasound and found a cyst on one of my ovaries. They decided the best course of action was to put me back on birth control, I was against this but agreed to do it for 3 months. They said that though the hormones would not make the cyst go away it would keep it from growing and help with the pain. In those next three months, the opposite happened, the pain increased and the cyst tripled in size. So, after three months they scheduled a procedure and removed the cyst from what ended up being my fallopian tube. After they did the surgery they informed me that since they had to do work on my fallopian tube that it and it's ovary would probably not work right and I might have a hard time getting pregnant again. I felt the sting of the doctor's words. The last time had been so hard, how could I go through that again? However, EK was just over 18 months old and we decided to wait to start trying again until he was two.
Around EK's second birthday, our insurance changed again and we entered yet a new season. Hooray... like I said in Part One, change is hard. In every season we grow and though growth is painful we learn from it who we are and who God is in our lives. I looked for a new doctor. I soon found one and began the process all over again. However, this was a new season and God would not work the same way he had in my previous seasons. Do you know that God's timing is perfect? Also, His plans for our lives are perfect.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. "Isaiah 55:8-9
When God creates us, He has a plan and a purpose for our lives. Through all our hardships and the things that wreck us, it is hard to see that He is there, that He isn't just ignoring us. No matter what season I have been in during my life, I have always felt that I needed to live my life for others to see. To be a messenger about all that I had gone through and the hope God would give those in a similar situation to my own. I am not saying that God did bad things to me for me to be a witness for Him, but He did allow me to walk into those Seasons and He walked through them with me and we walked out on the other side together.
Over the next year, I would go through another nine months of bleeding nonstop, which was only stopped after another surgical procedure. After the surgical procedure, I underwent 3 more months of fertility hormones. At the end of that year-long process, I went back to my doctor. At this point, I was very overweight and my doctor told me that she would not do any more treatments until I lost 50 pounds.
When I left the doctor's office I was broken once again. As you know and I have been very open and honest about I was anorexic for years. Once I stopped starving myself I still hated my body and continued to punish myself by overeating and then trying crash diets to fix my problems. The cycle just kept pushing the scale upwards instead of down. In our house diet was bad word, we did not own a scale due to my history and Ted watch me closely to make sure I didn't start starving myself. Once again, I found myself in what felt like a hopeless season. I cried out to God, I knew I was blessed by the amazing child he had given me and I was aware that not all women have been given that particular blessing. I was ready to accept that he might not give me any more children. In that moment as heartbroken as I was I knew that I would still love God and serve Him even if he didn't give me more children. However, I was ready for a change in my life
There on my knees I found a new hope. God reminded me of His job as my creator. He had not made a mistake, He had created me and his work was perfect. My view was skewed, not his work. Sin and destruction is what has caused our problems, our physical issues, not our creator. In that moment I saw the reality of my weight, but I also found the reality of God and His desire for my life. As I cried out to Him again I found peace and comfort. This is what I knew in those moments as I listened to His still small voice. I hated my body as it was, and no matter how much weight I would lose I would not be happy, because being skinny had never been enough. I once again needed to realize and find my identity in God. The only way I would ever be happy was finding Enough in Him.
Remember how in Psalm 139 told us God had knit us together and had known us before we were born? Also, in Genesis 1:27 it says "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. So, God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." See God knew us and created us in His image, therefore our identity must be through Him.
Life brings us often to our knees and on my knees is where I find my identity and answers. There I was again on my knees when I realized, my weight is just a very small percentage of who I am. Though I did need to work on it, could not be the never-ending focus of my mind, which it often was. Instead, I needed to turn to God, He had to be the focus. That is when a new plan came to my mind. I had always lived in the extreme, extreme emotion, extreme highs, extreme lows, the extreme of Anorexia, to the extreme of binge eating and obesity. Now God showed me a lifestyle of moderation.
If I could live in moderation I found I could finally breathe. See I thought I had to lose all the weight right then, or it wasn't good enough. Instead, I needed to take baby steps and so I started down a new path. I stopped binging but I ate when I was hungry. I didn't look to diet and ate what I wanted, but I ate small portions and I also exercised. I did not exercise 2 times a day as I once had, but instead exercised 3 to 4 times a week and did things I enjoyed. I also entered a new season of reading my bible more and seeking God to guide me in every area of my life and over the next 6 months, I lost 50 pounds. Also, my periods regulated more than they ever had and I began to have a period, every 36 days.
I had done it. I had succeeded, not on my own, but living a life surrendered to God. I found a safe and good way to lose the weight and I had been successful. Back to my doctor, I went. She was shocked at my success, and I thought she would say great let's do treatments again, I was wrong. Her words were, "I don't understand why you are not pregnant, you should be and I can no longer help you. However, I can send you to a fertility clinic." I walked out of her office once again devastated. We were still living in Hawaii and the only fertility clinic I could go to was on another island. Also, our insurance would not cover any further treatments. In order to get treatments from the facility, I would have to fly over there, I would have to stay in a hotel, and miss work. There would also be times when Ted would have to go with me for the treatments. This plan was expensive and just not something we could afford to do. So, Ted and I made the very hard decision to stop trying. We both agreed that God had been good to us, we had a wonderful little boy. I again told God that I would love Him even if I could not have another baby. So, we walked away.
Little did we know what was right around the corner. Remember how I said we were going into a new season, I didn't just mean insurance, weight loss or fertility. No as an entire family we were entering a new season. Just 3 months after that final visit to the doctor we would make a very big decision. That decision was to move. To pack up our belongings and move back to the mainland.
We had felt for a while that our time on Maui, Hawaii was coming to an end, but we didn't know what that meant. The decision to move was not an easy one. We had been in Hawaii for six years and had made a home and life for ourselves, but we knew that God was calling us to a new season. That season came in the form of jobs for both Ted and me in San Antonio, Texas. So, we began the process of packing and moving. While we were packing a friend came to me with a box full of maternity clothes. She told me I was supposed to take them with me. She didn't know all that was going on but felt like God wanted me to have them. So, I threw them in a box with everything else and they were shipped to Texas. I honestly didn't give too much thought to them other than that I would probably just give them away when we got there. God had other plans.
A month after we had accepted the jobs, we left Maui. Our move took us 5 days. We arrived in San Antonio on a Thursday and jumped right in. We attended a work event on that Friday. On Monday Ted started his job and I enrolled EK in daycare and was ready to start my job on Tuesday. However, that Monday came with me feeling very nauseous and being overly exhausted. Counting days, I realized that I still hadn't started my period and was now at 42 days. I told Ted I would take a test even though I knew it would be negative. It always had worked in the past, I would take a test, it would be negative and the next day I would start my period. So that evening I took a pregnancy test. However, it was not negative. It was positive. I was in so much shock that I had to call Ted into the bathroom to confirm that it was positive. Remember how I told you God's plan was perfect? His ways are not our ways, His ways are better. If I had had things my way we would not have been able to move when we were supposed to because I would have been having a baby.
Our second precious gift from God came just 8 days prior to EK's 4th birthday. She, CW, was such an amazing and perfect addition to our family. Her name means Christ is my Salvation, Song Bird, and is named after my sister and grandmother. She is small in stature but makes up for it in personality. In this Season of my life, CW just turned 4 and EK just turned 8. I am beyond blessed to be their mom. I grow daily and learn how to be the Enough mom through God's help.
Dear Reader, God has a perfect plan for your life. His timing is perfect. His ways are perfect. He will not let you down. Maybe right now you are in a difficult season, know that God is walking with you through it. He will not abandon you in your time of need, and He will not let you go through it alone. Look to Him, I promise His plan for you is perfect.
Go in Love Knowing that God is Enough for You in this and every Season,
Seasons Part Two: I Am
Continuing in theme with our “Seasons” blog post series, I will pick up where I left off my last one. You can check out my Part One here.
Ben and I married on May 31, 2014. By that time, I had completed my first semester of nursing school, but two more years of schooling were looming in front of me. By the grace of God I made it through. It involved weekly cry sessions, sudden outbursts, lots of deadlines, and lots of stress. Fortunately for me, Ben is incredibly patient and kind, and didn’t mind a tear-stained shoulder for two years. He also became adept at sliding chocolate my way every hour during study sessions.
I graduated with my Bachelor of Science in Nursing degree on May 13, 2016 and then proceeded to study some more for the NCLEX – the national exam that licenses one as a Registered Nurse. I passed the test on June 21st, 2016, then I proceeded to enjoy my summer before starting my full-time position on the Medical Floor in August.
To be honest, before nursing school, I had never stepped foot in a hospital in a professional capacity. I never worked as a nursing assistant or as a volunteer. I knew it was a good career, people thought I would be good at it, so I pursued it.
I dreaded a lot about those two years. Ironically, I loved the days where we were in the classroom, listening to lectures, taking notes, writing papers, taking exams. That was my favorite part, I really love school. The part I didn’t quite like was the whole hospital part. You know the whole reason I went to nursing school part. But I figured I had entered that phase in my life where I just had to suck it up and grit the rest of my life out.
When I graduated and passed my exam, I thought I would be happy. I had accomplished a huge goal, but it wasn’t satisfying. In fact, I was quite anxious. Anxious to spend forty-plus hours of week in a building that I dreaded doing five hour clinicals in. I really missed school. I just wanted to stay in the classroom. Yes, there were rewarding aspects of serving in the hospital, but I had nothing left when I got home. I was physically, mentally, and emotionally spent.
Three days before I was to start my position at the hospital, I received a phone call from Ben.
“We’re moving to Texas.”
“Nope, I’m completely serious. I got the position. We move in two months.”
“I still don’t believe you.”
“Megan, this is real!”
Ben was coming up on the end of his enlistment and we pleaded with God to give us some direction. We knew something would have to happen in Ben’s career for it to be clear he needed to stay in the military. So, Ben spent the last year of his enlistment applying to various positions and nothing went through. He had applied for this Texas position over a year ago and we never received a response, so we assumed it wasn’t going to happen.
Ben originally joined the military with the intent of using his GI Bill to return to Bible school after serving one enlistment. Ben has always wanted to be a pastor and go into the mission field, but he was cautious about the sticky debt that follows a private school education.
Therefore, when we married, the goal was to get me through nursing school, pass the NCLEX, then Ben would get out of the military. We would then move to Texas where Ben would attend SAGU and I would work as a full-time RN.
Then Ben got the email and I received the subsequent phone call, we were still moving to Texas, but not quite how we thought.
One of the first phone calls I made was to the hospital. I told them my situation, that I would be moving in two months and wanted to know if they still wanted me. I was quite relieved when they said “no.” It wasn’t worth sending me to two months of orientation only to have me never see the floor.
It was such a relief, finally having clear direction after a year of praying, fasting, and quite frankly, pleading. As a result of the military orders, Ben had to reenlist for another few years, which made it clear Ben was staying in the military. It was clear that I wasn’t going to be working as a RN in North Dakota. And it was clear that we were moving cross-country to Texas!
It was a quick transition. It was my first pcs (permanent change of station) in the military, so everything was new and overwhelming to me. Lots of paperwork, lots of phone calls, and lots of stress were involved. Ben had various trainings already on the books during those two months so I felt he was gone for a majority of it. I took care of most of the logistics until that last week when Ben helped pack up our apartment. Ben was an absolute professional mover, our move to Texas was his eighteenth move in his twenty-seven year old life. And he doesn’t count the moves within the same town!
At the end of October, we packed up our U-haul and headed out on our adventure. Our first day involved a flat tire and a sketchy hotel. But after that, travel went fairly smoothly. We moved into our apartment, threw our mattress on the hard-wood floor and slept for a week.
I was really tired. I was exhausted from moving cross-country. I was exhausted from finishing six years of undergraduate schooling. I was exhausted from studying for the NCLEX. I had nothing left.
And I really just didn’t want to work as a nurse.
Per my aunt’s recommendation, I read a book called Quiet by Susan Cain, it’s about introverts, a personality trait I would identify with. One thing the author said really stood out, “Finally, pay attention to what you envy. Jealously is an ugly emotion, but it tells the truth. You mostly envy those who have what you desire.”
While I was sitting in my seat at graduation a few months earlier, I caught a glimpse of my mentor rushing in with her two children in tow. Her husband was deployed and all the responsibility fell on her, but she did it with such poise. I felt a twinge of envy as I watched her. A mom that stayed home with two adorable, well-behaved children. She home-schooled, she held the fort down while her husband was overseas, and she loved ministry.
I found I didn’t envy women who were never home for their families. I didn’t envy the nurses who worked weekends while their children were playing in their first soccer games. I didn’t envy the moms who couldn’t tuck their children into bed as they worked the night shift. I didn’t envy the wives who said “hi and bye” to their husbands as he came home from work and she left for work.
I envied women who could stay home and still contribute to their family. I envied woman who could take care of their family, the home, and still pursue their passions while contributing financially.
Seems like a tall order? It sure was and it took about a year to figure it out.
It took about a year for Ben to find direction in his military career and it took about a year for me to find direction in my life. I read book after book about calling and purpose during that year. I immersed myself in ministry, I fasted, I prayed, I pleaded with God to give me direction.
I spent a year not pursuing a RN job so Ben and I could figure out what works best for our family and our military lifestyle. This time was utilized to transition us from a busy, busy, “military career and nursing school season” into the “what happens when we start having children” season. The military essentially owns Ben, they have 100% control over his schedule, his job and his location. This leaves me, the spouse, left to adapt and be flexible. Looking toward the future, we would love to have children, when God blesses us with them. The question remains, “How do we raise godly children when one parent’s schedule is so unpredictable?”
Being a military spouse is something I quite enjoy. I love exploring new parts of the country, assimilating into different cultures, and meeting different people. While the military lifestyle isn’t for everyone, it’s quite conducive to my personality. Instead of swimming upstream, we decided to roll with it. How can I contribute to our family while still maintaining a flexible schedule that adapts to Ben’s military career? The answer? Be my own boss.
As a senior in high school, I remember thinking, if all else fails, I could always teach piano lessons. Teaching piano lessons wasn’t even on my radar, as an ambitious college-bound student, it wasn’t even Plan B, it was like Plan Z. But sure enough, eight years later, on the flip side of my Bachelor’s degree, the idea popped into my head at the airport. I was on my way home from a visit to California last December and remember saying, “Lord, if you want this to happen, you need to bring clients my way.” I kind of forgot about it until it came up, a week later, in a conversation with a friend. Then a few days later, I had three clients! The Lord provides! Now as a married, military spouse, teaching piano lessons is such a great deal and is perfect for our family. I dictate my own schedule which allows me to be flexible, it allows me to contribute to our family, and it’s something I really enjoy, it doesn’t even feel like work! I also have enjoyed teaching indoor cycling and weightlifting classes at gyms for the past five years, I guess I just like teaching. The Lord answered my prayer! Between teaching exercise classes and piano lessons, I have been able to support Ben’s military career, take care of the home, contribute financially and pursue my teaching passion, and it allows me to raise our future children!
Another passion of mine is encouraging women and sharing my eating disorder recovery testimony. So also, during this year of searching for direction and purpose, Laura wandered her way into my life. A pastor thought we would be good friends, he introduced us quickly, “Megan, this is Laura. Laura, this is Megan.” Then he just left. I awkwardly smiled at her, made some small talk, then we exchanged numbers intending on getting coffee one day. Life got busy, so coffee never happened, we said “hi” and exchanged pleasant smiles in the church hallways, but that was about it. Then our church hosted a Women’s Conference in September 2017. We had walked in together and naturally sat next to each other. We were both helping with the conference so we were in the back ready to step out a bit early. Next thing I know, Laura turns to me and says, “Hey, want to start a speaking ministry with me?”
That week we actually grabbed coffee. She shared her heart and vision with me. We shared testimonies. It felt right.
And that’s how I ended up sitting here writing this to you. As I write this to you, I have a cup of coffee on my right and two sleeping puppies on my left. I have laundry in the washer that I need to switch over to the dryer. I taught an exercise class earlier this morning and now I’m all showered and ready to conquer my day. I have about an hour to write before I need to start working on other life things. The floors could really go for a mopping, but I’m not sure if I have time for that today, I think instead I’ll take the puppies to the dog park since I won’t have time tomorrow to do that. I teach piano lessons this afternoon for two adorable children. I have a husband with a stressful job who needs to vent over a crockpot dinner at the end of his day. Speaking of, I probably should put the chicken in the crockpot soon. I’m proud of myself for actually working on this blog post over a week before I post. I love simmering in the quiet and I love mornings, I’m not a big fan of afternoons. I’m an introvert who loves people, but I can be socially drained if I don’t get to recharge at home. It may not be a life you envy, but it’s a life that I enjoy. It’s the life I crave and it’s a life God has blessed me with.
God’s faithfulness is a constant theme in my life. He was faithful in bringing Ben and I together. He was faithful in answering our year-long prayer for direction in Ben’s military career. He was faithful in answering my year-long prayer for direction in my calling. God has proven Himself trustworthy and faithful time and time again. My dad always says, “Bloom where you’re planted.” Instead of looking for the next best thing or imagining how life could be better somewhere else or with someone else, Ben and I choose to bloom together wherever we’re planted. We chose to bloom in North Dakota during our season there, that season was characterized by our new marriage and nursing school. Now, we choose to bloom here in Texas during this season. We chose to dive into the church and get involved in ministry, we choose to let the Holy Spirit lead us in our daily decisions. Ben and I like to think of ourselves as government-sponsored missionaries. Texas is our mission field for now. In a few years, we’ll see what’s next.
Now Go in God Knowing He is Enough for You!
With Love, Megan
Seasons Part Three: I Will Be
"It's a new season, it's a new day, a fresh anointing is flowing my way. A season of power and prosperity, it's a season coming to me." New season by Israel Houghton and New Breed.
These lyrics play in the background as I sit here writing. As I sat down to begin this song came into my head and so I turned it on. As we talk about Seasons of life in part 3 I am amazed at how God has over and over again given me a new season, a new day, and a fresh anointing. If you are just joining I hope you will look back over the past few weeks as this is our 5th blog post in this series. I shared in Seasons I Was and I Am about my struggle with infertility and how God moved in my life through those seasons. The next part of my testimony has only just begun.
If you remember from I Was I talked about how at first, I wanted at least 10 kids, then over time, I came to a more reasonable number in my husband's thinking of 4 or 5 kids, as long as they came one at a time. At first, this didn't change after we had our sweet daughter. CW came along in May of 2014 as our second miracle for God. I still wanted more kids and though I was sure it would be difficult I still wanted them. Together Ted and I decided to wait a little while before starting to try again. After about a year I began to recognize the drastic differences in the personality of my two children. EK has always been a fun-loving kid with a sweet spirit and my daughter who is very small in stature definitely has made up for it in personality and attitude. Both of them are such a blessing, unique and fun all around.
God had given me a beautiful gift of my two miracle children. Two kids with different personalities, different needs and I was going to have to change my parenting style for my second miracle. What I did with EK certainly didn't work with CW. This being said, I became concerned. I was struggling as a working mom, with two kids and knowing I was supposed to eventually be in full-time ministry. If I struggled to do this with two kids how would I do it with more? I felt inadequate as a mom. I felt as though I could barely stay afloat with the two I had. How would I be able to do it more with more kids?
Remember that idealistic girl, the one who wanted ten kids and wanted to be a stay at home mom and home-school? Yeah, that girl was gone. Don't get me wrong, there was a part of me that still wanted those things, those things were ingrained in me and I felt that if I failed to achieve that mold I would not be a good mom, I would be a failure altogether.
One late night Ted and I and the kids were driving home from my in-law's house. We began to discuss our future with our kids and where we saw ourselves going. I remember Ted saying to me, "I don't think we should try to have any more kids." I remember feeling defensive at first, but then his words started to settle in. He continued, "If God blesses us with more kids we will love it, but I honestly think we are a great family with the kids we have. I think God has given us the kids we can handle and we don't need to try for more."
As I sat there in the dark car, tears streaming down my face, I agreed with Ted. He was right, our family was perfect, God has given us exactly what we needed. However, there was still something aching within me, something telling me I was a failure. I had failed to get pregnant easily and this was just Ted's way of letting me off the hook. Those thoughts weren't true, but it is not always easy to push off the negative feelings of our hurts and failures. So there in that car, I prayed and once again laid my broken heart down at God's feet. I asked him that if I wasn't supposed to have any more kids that He would remove that desire from my heart.
Little did I know the season that was coming my way, and I am so glad I didn't. As I have shared throughout this series I have never been regular and I have often had issues with bleeding for long periods of time or not at all for long periods of time. After I had CW my periods went back to light and regular for a time. Then came November of 2015, I began to bleed, I bled heavily, only stopping occasionally for a day or so, then I would start up again with a vengeance.
I would bleed like this for about 4 months, I went to my doctor again seeking answers. About 6 months prior I had my previous doctor put in a hormone-free birth control implant, this implant in most women should help make periods light to nonexistent, but in a few cases, such as mine, it can make women bleed terribly. I had thought that since I did terrible with hormones that the hormone-free one would be a better option for me, obviously that was not the case.
My doctor recommended we begin to discuss my options for the future. She wanted to exchange the implant for one with hormones, I was however hesitant to do so due to my history with hormones. I asked her if I qualified for an oblation to my uterus. She said I did not. I have a condition called PCOS which disqualifies me from having that procedure done. I asked what my other options were beside hormones to help me bleed less, she said other than a hysterectomy there were none. However, she also told me that due to my age that was not an option. At the time I was just 31 and had many years before me to bear children.
Before I left she asked me to consider letting her replace the implant, and I agreed to go ahead and schedule to have the new implant put in. I left feeling confused and overwhelmed. I didn't want to go back on hormones, I hated them. They made me miserable and I was not a nice person at all when I was on them. I would have very severe mood swings when on hormones of any kinds and didn’t like having to constantly fight against that. However, I didn't see any other options. Of course, as in every other season, I had to wait on insurance to approve the new implant, and this took almost 2 months. During this time, I didn't stop bleeding.
I would bleed for 3-5 days very heavily, then 2-3 days I would be light, I would then spot for 2-3 days before I would begin bleeding heavily again. I felt weak all the time, exhausted and I began to understand how the woman with the issue of blood felt. I can't imagine what it was like to live like she did for 12 years. Not just the drain of money, but also the drain of energy, the fact that she would have been considered unclean, and would have felt unclean all the time.
"As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him. And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her. She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped." Luke 8:42b-44
This poor woman dealt with it for 12 years. In Mark 5:26 we are told that she had even spent all of her money trying to find a cure. I live in a time where doctors can give us medicine or do surgery to help us. This woman didn't have that option. Yet, I would often pray that God would heal me, "if only I could reach out and touch His cloak in my season I would think to myself."
Over the next few months I battled with the thought of going back on hormones and felt sick just thinking about it, however, it did not seem like I had any other options. By this point it had been 8 months of me bleeding, Ted had been helping out at summer youth camp. When he came home he said something very surprising. "I think we should have another baby."
This was the last thing I ever expected him to say, he loves our kids, don't get me wrong, but he had never wanted as many as I did. In that moment, I did something even I didn't expect. I said "NO." I said, "I don't another baby, I don't want to go through another 9 months of fertility treatments, negative tests, and heartbreak. I cannot live with myself on fertility hormones and I don't think you can either. I don't want to, I don't want another baby, I am done! I want a hysterectomy, not a baby. " I was sobbing, and I was shocked. Ted, on the other hand, was not. He calmly took me in his arms and hugged me. Quietly he told me, "I needed you to be the one to say that, I don't really want another baby. You needed to make the call that you are okay with not having another baby and instead of having a hysterectomy."
Okay at that moment, what he did felt cruel and I wanted to punch him, but I now know that that was Jesus's cloak for me. God had answered my prayers, He had taken the ache and desire for another child away. The next morning, I was scheduled to go back to my doctor for the new implant. Sitting there in her office after 8 months of bleeding I told her about the conversation, I was still a little mad over it, but she wasn't. She told me: "I know that was hard, and I know that it hurt, however, it is what I needed to hear in order to approve going ahead with the hysterectomy. In the meantime, let's put in the implant until it is time for the surgery to see if we can get the bleeding under control."
Unfortunately, the implant would not help with the bleeding and the hormones would drive me crazy, but on Monday, November 14th of 2016 I would have a surgery that was life-changing. I immediately saw a difference. Yes, recovery was hard and took some time, but within two days the energy I hadn't felt in years was coming back. Also, after the healing time had passed the bleeding stopped and never returned.
I want to pause here for a moment and say that I am a firm believer in God's healing power. I have seen God heal time and time again, however, I am also a believer in God's power to give people healing hands. This is why in infertility and in having issues with my periods I sought out a doctor's help. The doctor God gave me in my seasons was a true miracle. See right before my CW was born my OB happened to go on a trip, and that trip fell on my due date. Another doctor in his practice would take over for him and all would be fine, I was told. I am so thankful that these things happened.
That doctor ended up being not only a Christian but a member of our church and eventually a very kind friend to me. Not long after CW was born my original OB decided to retire and I requested my friend to be my new OB. I already knew her, she had delivered my baby and I knew I could trust her. So, there was Jesus' cloak. This doctor, my friend, and my confidant walked into my pre-op room on that Monday morning and prayed with me before performing my surgery. God had brought her into my life not just to be my doctor but also to be a comforter in my time of need.
Seasons of life and hard, and we often think we have all the answers and it all planned out. However, the truth is we do not have a telescope that can see into the future, and if we did we would just mess up the future as severely as we messed up our past. God holds our future in His hands and he has a plan for it.
In Jeremiah the Israelites were in turmoil and pain because of their sins, but even then, God tells them in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Even in their sin he had a plan for them. He has a plan for you, and He has a plan for me.
Now in my, I Was Season my plan was to have at least half a dozen kids, however, in this season I have come to understand something new. I have felt the call to ministry for most of my life. The form of ministry I have a desire to do, traveling around talking and sharing with women my testimony and how God has transformed my life into the Enough life, is not conducive to a life with that many kids. Though, not impossible this goal would be very expensive and difficult. I am not saying that God did these things to me or cursed me in order to fulfill His ministry, but I can see His hand in my past seasons shaping me so that in my future Season I can fulfill His calling in my life.
Therefore, I want to look back at the lyrics of the song I shared at the beginning. "It's a new season, it's a new day, a fresh anointing is flowing my way. A season of power and prosperity, it's a new season coming to me." In the old seasons I relied on my ideals and my ideas. I knew what I wanted from life and what I wanted to do, however I could never see how I would do all the things I desired to do, including fulfilling God's call in my life.
Ladies many of you have been called to be mothers of many kids and I am so thankful that God has called you to do so. Others God has called you to be the mother of one or two kids instead of many. I also thank God for that call in your life. Some of you may not have kids in his plan for you and I am even thankful for that. God knows what you need and what you can handle. Some of you have been called to home-school your kids, while others have been called to teach your kids how to walk through schools as Christians. I am thankful that God has given each of you your unique call. I pray that God will guide you and help you to continue to walk in that calling.
So, now I want you to take a step with me into your new season. God knows what the future season will be like and what He has already done and is doing will prepare you for that future season so walk it out knowing that That season will have fresh anointing, power and even prosperity for you. My future season is bright, fresh and anointed. I Will be living out His purpose in that Season.
Now go in God knowing that He is enough for you in all your seasons of life.
Seasons Part Three: I Will Be
Fortunately our God is Taller than 5'6"
In atypical Megan fashion, today’s blog post is short and sweet. Laura in her Part Three post wrapped up our Seasons series so well, I just couldn’t compete.
This morning I took my dogs for a walk hoping to accomplish two things. First, I was hoping to generate some inspiration for this blog post; and second, I was hoping to get my dogs super tired. In my incredibly biased opinion, Louie and Nani are the cutest dogs on Planet Earth, but for small dogs, these Boston Terriers sure have ridiculous amounts of energy.
I’m about 5’6” tall, my dogs are not. So, as we approach a narrow sidewalk, I look ahead and see a woman with two dogs walking towards us. Knowing this wasn’t going to end super well, four dogs two humans one sidewalk, I turned my dogs around. Before they could catch a glimpse of what lay ahead, we went back the way we came.
My dogs looked at me with some attitude. For being nonverbal, they sure have a lot of personality. They gave me a little sass as we turned around, but they really didn’t fight it. After all they were on the leash connected to me, I was the one in control.
Remember this VBS song?
“God is in control, God is in control, God is in control, my God is in control.”
I protected my dogs from what lay ahead, I could see farther than they could. They trusted me to provide for them and protect them, to keep them away from harm. Similarly, and fortunately on a much grander scale, God protects and provides for His children. That’s us! He sees what lays ahead and sometimes chooses to turn us around. Our job is to trust His guidance, His vision, and follow His direction.
Fortunately for us, our God is much taller than 5’6”.
So what season lays ahead of me? Where will I be? I honestly don’t know. I can’t see that far. But I know two things for certain:
I will be protected and provided for by God.
And I will be okay because my God is in control.
Now Go in God Knowing He is Enough for You!
With Love, Megan